Burdens of a Boat Load of Baggage

I'm bumming a little today ... even with as much wonderful as today has produced. I'm still thinking about all the death lately. The death of a lady (the mother of a dear lady friend of mine... Love them deeply.. and they love deeply). I went to the visitation before the funeral today to show my love and respect for the dear lady and her family. She was older. She lived a very full life. Had children, grand children, great grandchildren, and great great grandchildren!! But no matter, she still leaves those behind... to celebrate her legacy, but to mourn and miss the days to come. And Lauren Bacall... a legendary beauty~~~ again, a long and enjoyable (it seems) life. Robin Williams... too soon. Too tragic. And as appearances deceived the masses, he left us in his pain. IN HIS PAIN. We aren't talking about Physical pain which is bad enough.... we are talking about Emotional and Spiritual pain... the battle of every word or thought from yourself and others. ... So, there is this post from earlier today that struck me deeply. I didn't like the way it made me feel. And it brought "probables" to my mind as it was a vague post, but clear in emotion. .... I find I am correct in my thinking and I am NOT LIKING being right! People... PEOPLE.... We are human. We have baggage. Baggage that is so VERY Heavy and Problematic... baggage we carried as children and toted that garbage all through our lives... IMAGINE bringing that mess into the most wonderful relationships! ... Please KNOW that we ALL have our own messes and WE ALL should be aware enough of this FACT and should be understanding and willing to be HELPERS and DOERS of GOOD to those we LOVE... those we ONCE LOVED... AND THOSE WE EVEN DISLIKE.... because truly, those people NEED it BAD. Remember that every expression on your face (rolling of eyes, snarling, frowning, etc), every word that comes out of your mouth that isn't edifying is Capable of bringing PAIN to someone who obviously is ALREADY HURTING. Relationships are hard. EVEN when you "love" one another. WORK IT OUT. Please don't just continue carrying your baggage around from this to that.... LAY IT DOWN. UNPACK THE MESS and DUMP IT. Find a way of L E T T I N G IT GO.      Forgive.  AAAAHHH... the best way to dump a luggage bag full of the past!

  Sometimes I feel like getting really real with people.... you know.. like getting up all in THEIR business and getting up in their faces and just spewing truth and LOVE all over them. ...... then, reality hits and "tells" me that No One would like me and then I would have no one to talk to. (which would totally defeat the purpose!) ... Do you see?  We all hear "voices" in our heads... thoughts. Thoughts to deceive. Thoughts to hold us back. Thoughts to even prevent something wonderful ...even if it doesn't seem that it would be wonderful.  There was one person that I did get really real with. And it was beautiful. (I'm crying). This world is so full of hurting people..... and hurting people, well, they hurt people.  So, I don't claim to have all the answers. (I am full of questions!).  But, what if, what if we would put up our chest plates like Superman, wrap the truth rope of Wonder Woman around us, and be humanly strong, smart and quick like Batman with no real "super" power and just be real and honest through our pain. Drop the defenses and just get real.  Stop allowing our past pain, hurt and perceptions to decide when we are offended.  Take what you have chosen (not the hand that was dealt to you... because, seriously, we make our own choices these days) and MAKE it work For you and not against you. Being offended blocks relationships. Building defenses tries to control something that, well, truthfully, you have no control over. Because someone else has their own game plan... either working for you or against you. 

When Your Mind is Too Quick.... Robin Williams

I, like so many of you, are again devastated at the news of an ending.... a death. The majority of people who will be reading this never knew Robin Williams. Probably never even met him or stood in a line to even have their picture made with him.... yet, there is a connection with the majority of people to Robin Williams. He was a man with an Amazing Talent. Truth is... anyone who can bring a smile and a laugh so quickly with just a facial expression has a gift. And Mr. Williams, without ever uttering a word, could do just that. And then when he opened his mouth .... his mind working so quickly that the words of humor flowed out of his mouth like water from a fountain.

"With Robin, we see all that work happening right before our eyes, in a much faster way than I think is humanly possible." Rajiv Joseph, the writer of the play Bengal Tiger at the Baghdad Zoo.

His list of credits is very impressive. Continuous work. Most of it created to cause a laugh response in viewers. However, many roles were so serious and deep and left you with a different kind of tear on your face. I remember watching Mork and Mindy when I was young. I remember laughing then and growing to love each show/movie that I was allowed to watch.  You know, some of his humor was only adult friendly.  And then electing to watch the majority of his films over and over and over again. They never grew old. Always fresh.

As I grew up and faced trauma (emotional and physical) myself, I was able to see pain in others from a different perspective. I was able to "see" it without hearing someone tell about it. People, in a sense, became like books to read. And, truly, I was in opposition to this. I never liked the phrase "I can read you like a book"... so, really, I was always guarding my pages!  And still do. I guard my pages. I don't want to be "read" like a book. I just want to be able to be the me that I am with you! Some people get more and some get less. We are all like that in some way or another. It's natural. But for some, maybe, they don't really know how to share themselves at all, so they create a persona that is safe. One that is comfortable for them and for those they share themselves with. Like... Robin Williams. It has been written that he was an only child (I have also read that he had an older brother) and that his parents were away much of his childhood. That he created personalities and voices For his toys and such so that he wouldn't be alone. Alone. Imagine having to "create" your friends/family at home just to have companionship. And then grow up to use those creations to stand in front of thousands of people and entertain them and have them "love" you. And we did. We loved the persona that Mr. Williams shared with you and I. We loved him. He made us laugh. Laughter is such sweet medicine. How could you not love that? But, couldn't you see it still?  Didn't his book jacket read: I'm being so funny to hide my pain!? The loneliness in his eyes. The discontentment. Even with a family, he still seemed lonely.  Battling depression and addiction. While making so many people "happy"... he was still plagued with sadness. Rejection? Fear? Abandonment? All those feelings as a child growing up with business minded nannies, few precious moments with his parents, and "not real" toys for friends. Lacking in affection and closeness?  You wonder. And if those are accurate, why wouldn't he then carry those feelings into his relationships?  Something real to think about as we raise our children, no?

I have seen many use humor as their blanket. Their cover for the person that they weren't ready to share with others. Hey, I've used it myself!  I love laughter about as much as I love water! (And, I drink more water now than ever!!!). I come from a long line of "funny people" and I am happy when I am laughing. And even happier when I can cause another person to laugh. I have found that I don't have to use humor as my tool, but that I am a better me when I find the best out of life and can share it with others in a humorous way.... to bring medicine. To bring healing to the moment. Most people who are creatively "funny" are quick minded. Their mind creates, filters and brings forth thought in a process that is amazingly quick. This also means that sometimes they utter words produced from such quick thoughts and with very little processing time that they sometimes regret saying. Whether it be hurtful words or words that are revealing of the person they may be trying to hide/cover. Robin Williams was very vocal about his addictions and his depression. And currently, now that he has passed, there is a quote being passed around social media sites.  "I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone, it's not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone." After seeing this for the first time, my response was this: "I wish people KNEW what they mean to OTHER people... Those close and those afar... He was a treasure to his family and his viewers, yet, he didn't know."  Depression is about self. Destroying/withdrawing self. It is hard to battle yourself. Because if you win, you are defeated.

I leave you with this thought. Being so quick minded and masking his pain with humor brought life and laughter to us. But that same beautiful quick mind didn't leave enough processing power to change that moment. That one moment.  I have not read the book, nor have I confirmed it, but it was said that Robin Williams used the quote in a book (possibly The Greatest Dad Quotes...or something similar) that suicide is a permanent fix to a temporary problem.   Let us be slow minded enough to know that life can really stink sometimes and that no matter what... each day is temporary. And that tomorrow can always be different than the day before. My life has proved this in many ways.   And for those who know me, know that I am singing a tune. And yes, I am.   Please sing with me.

Dino -- Ooh Child

Don't you worry bout a thing
Oh, no, no
Ooh, child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh, child
Things'll get brighter
Ooh, child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh, child
Things'll get brighter
Some day, yeah
We'll put it together
And we'll get it undone
Some day when your head
Is much lighter
Some day, yeah
We'll walk in the
Rays of a beautiful sun
Some day when the world
Is much brighter
.......
Don't worry bout a thing
'Cause life goes up and down
You gotta keep moving on
Ooh, child
Things'll get brighter
Ooh, child
Things are gonna get easier
Ooh, child
Things'll get brighter
Oh, right now
(Oh, yeah) right now
You just wait and see
........
You've got to give it
Just a little more time.

Rest in peace Robin Williams. And peace be to those who are battling.